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Chapter 9 The Second Time
Chapter 9 The Second Time
When Shen Man opened the door she had already changed clothes. It was still the black long-sleeved shirt, but her hair was still pinned, as if the title she had taken off at the company had not fully landed. Zhou Ye stood in the doorway and took his shoes off. She let him in and did not kiss him first. The two of them sat on the sofa. This time there was no cushion between them. The absence of the cushion was itself a choice.
"The break room," she said, "I pulled you. If the cleaner asks, you say you were pouring tea. Don't invent anything more complicated. A complicated lie breaks on the third sentence."
"He may not ask."
"He may not ask. That doesn't mean he didn't see." Shen Man looked at her own hands. "I can bear gossip aimed at me. What I can bear less is gossip that first turns you into someone who got ahead by way of a vice president. So we have to be clearer. First: at work, except when it's necessary, we don't stay alone together. The break room does not count as necessary. Second: starting this week I recuse myself from your projects in writing, and Lin Qiming reports that part of your work directly to President Pei. I'll find a business reason. I won't mention you. Third: we meet only here, or in a place the company system won't record. Fourth: if either of us says stop, we stop. We don't pretend, after the body has already started, that we didn't hear."
Zhou Ye listened through them one by one. "Fifth. The picture stays as it is. Neither of us is allowed to use it as a handle. If someone comes upon us, we admit that we are two people. We do not admit that we owe anyone an explanation that goes as far as the bed."
Shen Man looked at him. There was a little heat at the bottom of her eyes. "You added this fifth one."
"Yes. Because you already said it on Monday. I want it said again out of my mouth. That way it isn't only your rule."
She finally leaned over and kissed him. This kiss was slower than the one in the break room. Her hand undid her own pinned hair. The hair fell and swept across his hand. Zhou Ye caught it and kissed her earlobe. Shen Man's ears were sensitive. A touch made her shrink, and after she shrank she offered her neck. He kissed along that line of the neck to the collar and undid two buttons of the long-sleeved shirt. She had nothing else on underneath. Her breasts came out. The nipples were already hard. Zhou Ye took one in his mouth and held the other with his hand. Shen Man held his head and allowed herself to make a sound. Making a sound was much freer than it was in that company building.
"Go to the bed," she said. "Tonight I want to be on top. I want to watch myself wanting you. Not be pushed by rain and accident."
This time she turned the bedroom light a little brighter. Shen Man had him lie down. She took off the long-sleeved shirt and the underwear herself and straddled his thighs. She did not sit down at once. She held his cock and let it slide along her slit, smearing her wetness onto the shaft. The head passed over her clit again and again. Each time, her waist shook once. Zhou Ye's hands rested at her hips. He did not press. He only followed. He looked at her. A thirty-five-year-old body under a slightly brighter light had no excuse. Her chest rose and fell with her breath. Her lower belly tightened lightly. The insides of her thighs trembled because they were open. She looked at his eyes, as if she meant to do the fact of I am the one wanting, and do it where he could see.
"There are new ones in the bag," she said. "I bought them at noon. Not to complete an assignment. Because if I want to do this with you, I ought to prepare it myself."
Zhou Ye opened one and put it on. Shen Man rose onto her knees, steadied him with her hand, and sat down slowly. She controlled the entry herself. Halfway she stopped, adjusted, and went down again until she was fully seated. Both of them let out a long breath. Her hands braced on his chest. Her nails tightened now and then.
"Don't thrust," she said. "Let me."
She began to move. First a small grinding, so her clit rubbed his belly while inside she held him tight. Then she lifted her hips and sat again, taking him to the root every time. She set the rhythm. Her hair hung on both sides of her face. Her eyes did not hide. Zhou Ye felt himself seen through, and also kept. His thumb found her clit and matched her rhythm, lightly. Shen Man nodded. She allowed it. Her breathing turned into broken words.
"Like this. Just like this. Look at me. Don't close your eyes."
He did not close them. When she came she stared at him, mouth open, the sound pressed very low, while her cunt clenched extremely hard. She stopped on him and shook. At last her forehead came down and rested against his. Zhou Ye kissed her eyes. She smiled a little and said it was not finished, said he could want too. She lifted her hips again. This time it was faster, and deeper. After she allowed it, Zhou Ye began to meet her from below. For a short stretch their rhythms did not match. The impact made her cry out, and then she smiled with her teeth set and said do that once more. They found the same beat. The bed made a little noise. Shen Man reached to press the headboard, as if she were afraid of the neighbors, and after she pressed it she stopped caring. Her second time came sharp and long. She gripped him until Zhou Ye could not hold. He told her he was going to come. Shen Man did not get off. She sat all the way down and watched him come, her hand on his chest, feeling the heartbeat strike again and again.
Afterward she did not get up at once. She lay on him, her face buried at the side of his neck. Her voice was muffled.
"When I bought the condoms at noon, the clerk looked at me once. I suddenly felt ridiculous. After I felt ridiculous I still bought them. Because I'd thought it through. I want this relationship. Not only that night's rain."
Zhou Ye's hand moved slowly on her back. "I want it too. Not because you being Shen Man is enough. Because you told me every way out, and I still want to walk this one."
She was silent for a while, and then she said, "Then we'll bear the part that can't be hidden. What can be hidden, we keep hiding. What can't be hidden, we don't stop up with someone else's future or with our bodies."
"All right."
They showered. Under the shower they kissed for a while and did not do it again. Shen Man's hair was soaked and stuck to his chest. She said this was dangerous, because it was too much like already living together. Zhou Ye said it was only a shower. She made a sound in her throat, smeared shampoo onto his head, the movement nearly rough, while her fingers were careful and did not let the foam get into his eyes. After they were done they sat on the sofa and dried their hair. The rain outside had lessened. Shen Man looked at the window where the picture had been taken in the daytime and asked whether the picture was still there. Zhou Ye said it was. She said let me see whether your album is locked. He opened it and showed her. The lock was there. She gave the phone back and kissed his temple.
"You can stay tonight. You can also leave. I haven't updated the rules because of what we just did."
Zhou Ye thought. "I'll stay. I'll leave early. I won't go downstairs with you."
"All right," Shen Man said. She pulled the thin gray blanket over and covered both of them. The television stayed off. They talked in a scattered way. She said the divorce had not been because of an affair. It had been because the two of them had turned the days into meetings. He said his last relationship had stopped at twenty-five. The other person had been going to another city. He had not followed. These words were not exciting. They only handed over, slowly, the places other than the bed. When Shen Man had heard him, she said, "So you know what leaving is like. Then your staying isn't a moment of heat."
"It isn't."
Under the blanket she held his hand. This time no one said it was only a hand. A hand was a hand, and it was also evidence that they meant to go on. Zhou Ye looked at her profile and suddenly felt that Monday's restraint had not been wasted. The restraint made this staying clean. He kissed her hair. Shen Man did not speak again. Her breathing gradually evened. The rain on the seventeenth floor had thinned until it could barely be heard.
