Hoje Também Não Consegui Virar Normie

Prologue: The Rooftop Incident

The normie plan was declared a failure on the third day of school.

Kurose Yota stood on the rooftop, ready to “forget,” in an environmentally responsible way, his “past self”—an unopened limited-edition figure—inside a storage locker. His hand slipped. The box flipped over the outside of the railing.

“My youth—”

A hand shot in from the side and caught the box dead-on. Amami Rika was nearly hanging off the railing entirely, her hair tie streaming in the wind like a victory flag.

She handed the box back to him, smiling brilliantly. “Otaku-kun, your secret has been received. Starting today, normie special training is under my supervision.”

For the first time, Yota felt that a high school rooftop was more dangerous than another world.

Chapter 1: The Supervisor Descends

The supervisor’s first rule: lunch must be eaten in the center of the cafeteria.

“Corners are otaku territory.” Rika set her tray on the most conspicuous four-person table. “Normies have to be seen.”

The temperature of Yota’s ears had already exceeded the normal human range. Around them, people were whispering, “Why is Amami-san with a guy…?” He said quietly, “I can pay you to pretend you never saw that figure.”

“I don’t take money.” Rika bit the straw of her strawberry milk. “I take your seat at noon every day. And when you go to the game shop on weekends, take me with you—I need to confirm you haven’t relapsed.”

“That isn’t a relapse. That’s inventory management.”

“Normies don’t say inventory.” She tapped a chopstick against his forehead. “They say, ‘I’ve got something to do.’”

For the first time, Yota seriously suspected that being a normie was a hazardous occupation requiring a license.

Chapter 2: The Correct Way to Eat Lunch

According to Rika, the correct way to eat lunch included: look up, talk, share your food, and do not photograph your bento with professional lighting.

Yota did his best to comply. On the third day, he shared his fried chicken with her and received a “Normie progress noted.” On the fourth day, he habitually opened his phone to shoot the color coordination, and she snatched it away in one grab.

“Look.” Rika flipped the album toward him—it was full of figures she had photographed herself. The lighting was professional. The backdrop cloth was pale pink.

A crack opened in Yota’s worldview. “You…”

“I am a normie.” She drew the phone back against her chest. “Normies can have hobbies too. The difference is, I don’t dispose of a body on the rooftop.”

“That wasn’t disposing of a body.”

“Under the supervisor’s regulations, it is.”

Chapter 3: The Culture Festival Stall War

For the culture festival, the class decided to run a maid café. Yota wanted to hide in the back and wash dishes. Rika shoved him into a butler uniform.

“Normies stand out front.” She straightened his tie for him. “And you can do the accounts, which is more useful than people who only know how to shout ‘Master.’”

Halfway through the event, the otaku club from the next class came to crash the stall, putting up a “limited ema plaque” as the stake. Rika glanced at Yota. Yota glanced at the ema. Both of them said at the same time, “We accept.”

They won. The price was that the whole school saw Amami Rika and Kurose Yota high-five, the motion so practiced it looked like they had drilled it a hundred times.

After school, on the rooftop, Rika pressed the ema into his hands. “Inventory. Legal intake.”

Yota stared at the line she had written on the back of the ema—“Failed to become a normie today too, but today was fun.”

The wind was strong. He did not throw anything over the railing.

Chapter 1: She Has a Secret Collection Too

Rika’s secret collection was in the second shelf of the cabinet in her bedroom. Yota saw it when he came to deliver the leftover receipts from the culture festival.

“Supervisor violation.” He pointed at the cabinet. “More of an otaku than I am.”

“The definition of a normie is social life, not a blank set of interests.” Rika shut the cabinet, her ears red. “Besides, you dropped the box first.”

The two of them sat facing each other, drinking barley tea, and neither mentioned the special training. Outside the window someone was practicing a cheer, the rhythm so even it felt like the rules of another world.

“What if I never manage to become a normie?” Yota asked.

“Then fail where I can see it,” she said, very softly. “I’ll take responsibility for writing the reflection. I’ve already thought of the title.”

Chapter 2: Failed to Become a Normie Today Too

The title of the reflection was: Failed to Become a Normie Today Too.

Yota wrote it on the first page of his planner. Below it, Rika stamped a smiley-face seal. The seal was limited edition. Only two remained in stock.

“Special training is extended indefinitely,” she announced.

“Is there a graduation standard?”

“There is. Until eating with me no longer takes courage.”

Yota thought for a moment, then stamped the second seal as well. “That might take a long time.”

“Normies don’t say a long time.” Rika corrected him. “Normies say, ‘Then we’ll just eat a few more meals.’”