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Chapter 11 Terms
Chapter 11 Terms
Wednesday morning's test was not voided by the court. There was no new emergency. Xiaoyao made fried eggs, a little scorched at the edge. Lin Xi ate them. She said they were good first, and then that the scorched edge was exactly right. She did not pick up the pan and do them over. The tiny success left both of them a little at a loss in the entry, as if a sentence that was too easy still needed practice.
"About last night," she said while she tied her shoes, "I won't take it to the firm and whip myself with it. If I whip myself, at noon I'll send you a long message. If you get a long message, you can answer 'it's enough that the person is here.' You don't have to analyze me. Tonight we talk terms. Who leads in bed. Who leads at home. While we talk, we don't do it. If we talk while doing it, I'll use my body as argument."
"Agreed." He handed her the bag. "Go write the opinion. Pei Song is not a resource. You already know how to say that sentence. Go say it where Gu Chengyan can see it. Paper is harder than a voice message."
The written opinion was a page and a half. Zhou Ning read it and changed only two marks of punctuation. Gu Chengyan replied with one word: good. Gu Wan replied: If my brother goes back on it, I'll stop him. Lin Xi sent both lines to Xiaoyao with no annotation. He replied with a period. The period made her smile once. After the smile she went back to work. The work had not grown less. What had changed was that when the work ended she remembered an evening waiting, not an empty refrigerator.
At night they took every file off the dining table. A pot of water sat on the stove. No vegetables went in. The terms came before dinner. Out of habit Lin Xi took a sheet of blank paper. Xiaoyao looked at the paper.
"Paper is allowed," he said. "Keywords only. Don't write 'Party A and Party B.' Don't write liability for breach. If you write breach, I stop talking. Once a marriage has damages, we start collecting evidence on each other. That's your profession. It isn't our home."
"No damages." She set the pen down and picked it up again. "But if I don't write it down, I'll be afraid. Afraid that one day when we're busy, these words will be as if they were never said. Xiaoyao, let me record keywords. When I'm done I'll read them once. They count when you nod. That's my concession. Your concession is allowing the paper to exist."
"Done."
They talked for a long time. The water boiled and was turned off. First: on work nights, before eleven, both phones go outside the bedroom door, unless both of them decide together to bring them in. An emergency is the court, a hospital, the notary, or a machine failure at the print shop. It is not "I want a look." Second: whoever gets home first decides what dinner is. The other washes the dishes. If it's bad, say so directly. No raking up old accounts. No keeping score. Third: the chart on the refrigerator keeps only hearing days, preservation deadlines, and his press dates. Whoever's day it is, that person writes it. Lin Xi no longer pre-writes his, and she no longer sticks a red "must come home" on herself. If coming home happens, it happens. It is not a magnet. Fourth: whoever speaks first in bed and asks does not automatically get the lead. The person who speaks says "tonight, you" or "tonight, me." The other may refuse to lead, and may refuse to do it. A refusal does not have to be written as a statement of reasons, but silence is not to be used in place of refusal. Fifth: instructions become requests. If either person says stop, they stop at once. After stopping, they hold each other first, and then decide whether to go on. Sixth: they do not use the other's body within earshot of clients, colleagues, a phone call, or the neighbors at the entry. If they want the entry, they first confirm the soundproofing of an old house like the one next door, and only when both of them feel they can bear it. On the phone clause, Lin Xi's ears were still red while she wrote it. She did not turn the red into an avoidance.
There were few keywords. On the paper only a few lines: Outside the door. Dinner. Whoever's day, that person writes it. Tonight you, tonight me. Request. Stop. The phone stays separate.
She read them once. Xiaoyao nodded. After the nod he folded the paper and did not put it on the refrigerator. The paper went into the tin, with the note from six years ago.
"Not posted outside," he said. "Outside, it becomes a new schedule. It lies in the box. If we forget, we open the box. Forgetting isn't shameful. Treating what was forgotten as if it never happened, that is."
Lin Xi looked at the tin and felt something land. The sound of landing was very light. Her body, in that moment, suddenly wanted him. She held the want down. No sex while they talked. She had said it herself.
"And dinner," she asked. "The terms are done. I'm hungry. This hungry isn't a metaphor."
Only then did he put the water back on to boil. Dinner was the simplest greens and rice. While she washed the dishes she deliberately used too much soap. He laughed at her, and after the laugh he reached from behind and rinsed the foam off her wrist. The rinsing was too much like a caress. Both of them paused. Lin Xi shut off the tap.
"This isn't the talk anymore," she said. "This is me wanting. Tonight, you. Please lead. The place is the bed. If you want to tie my wrists, use your tie, loose, the kind I can pull out of. Ask once more before you tie them. I'm not writing this as a permanent clause. It's only that tonight I want to make fewer decisions, and I trust you. If you don't want to tie them, hold them. I'll take either."
"Wait on the bed," he said. "I'll get the tie. If you change your mind before I bring it, call me. My name is enough. You don't have to finish the argument."
The bedroom light was on its warmest setting. Lin Xi took her clothes off herself and lay down, then felt that lying ready was too much like waiting for an inspection, so she turned onto her side. When Xiaoyao came in he had only his shirt left, and the dark blue tie. The tie had not been worn on Julu Road. Tonight it was finally given a use. He sat on the edge of the bed and let the silk sway in front of her eyes.
"Wrists crossed, over your head. I'll tie a slipknot. If you pull hard, it comes open. Coming open equals stop. If you want me to untie it, say untie. I'm asking now: tie them?"
"Tie them," she said. "A slipknot. I try that I can pull free, and then we start."
He tied it. She pulled once. The silk gave half an inch. She really could get out. She put her wrists back herself, so the knot would stay. The gesture made her blush to see it, and it darkened Xiaoyao's eyes. He bent and kissed her, from mouth to throat, to her nipples, to her belly, to between her legs. When his tongue licked her labia open, her hands instinctively wanted to press his head, and the tie stopped them. With that way out closed, the pleasure had nowhere to go but her throat. She cried out, soft and urgent.
He did not let her come at once. The tip of his tongue sucked her clit until it swelled, then left, kissed her thigh, waited for the sharpest wave to pass, and came back. Twice like that. The corners of Lin Xi's eyes were wet. Not crying. Being held on the edge. She did not shout for fast. She remembered requests.
"Please let me come," she said. Her voice was in pieces. "Or please come in, and let me come after you're in. If I can't choose, you choose. I trust you to choose. Xiaoyao, I'm here. I haven't gone off to think of something else."
"Then I'll come in," he said. "You come once after I'm in. Not a punishment. I want you to come while you're holding me. If you can't bear this kind of waiting, say stop."
"Don't stop."
When he entered she was already soaked. Her fingers tightened inside the slipknot. All of him went in, and both of them felt burned. Xiaoyao knelt and thrust. His thumb settled on her clit and this time did not leave. Lin Xi's orgasm came fast and full. Her walls bit wildly. Her wrists strained in the silk, and they did not pull free. She called his name until the whole bed heard it. Inside that grip Xiaoyao could not keep it slow. He bent and kissed her, swallowed the sounds, and below he still drove, stroke by stroke, to the deepest point. Her second came shorter and sharper, almost on a sob. Only then did he let his own pace go, caught up, and came inside her. When he came he said her name. Not Ms. Lin. Lin Xi.
He was the one who untied the slipknot. He rubbed her wrists and checked the red marks. The marks were faint. They would fade in a little while. He kissed the two pale lines, and the kissing made her want to cry again. This time the crying did not fall. She only pulled him into the quilt.
"You led well tonight," she said. "I'm not scoring you. I'm telling you my body knows it's you. If you have time in the daytime tomorrow, you can come to the firm and pick up the thermal box. Leaving after you pick it up is fine. Not leaving, sitting in my office for ten minutes, is also fine. The door stays open. I won't do it with you in the daytime glass. Doing it would teach yesterday's phone call the wrong lesson. Ten minutes of sitting is because I want to see you in daytime clothes."
"I'll come," he said. "Around eleven. The print-shop proof has to be picked up at ten. After I pick it up I'll come over. Ten minutes. When they're up, I leave. I won't turn your day into another bed."
"All right." She buried her face in his shoulder. "The terms are in the tin. The person is here. Xiaoyao, I think I'm not as afraid of sleeping as I used to be. Sleeping used to feel like handing time to a program I couldn't control. Now the time is on your arm. It's heavy. I like the weight."
Outside, a car passed. Its lights swept the ceiling and were gone. The tin was in the chest. It did not glow, and it did not make a sound. It did not need to. Their breathing slowly matched. Wednesday was changed, by the two of them, from a set of terms into a night a person could sleep through.
